i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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