sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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