just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
