If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
