How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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