What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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