Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you would pick up someone in the library
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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