Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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