Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
