I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
