it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
