Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
