He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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