I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
