i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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