If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
