The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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