I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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