My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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