someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
