Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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