Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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