He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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