I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize