If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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