did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
