dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
