Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
