I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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