The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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