I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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