just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
