Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize