Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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