I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
