a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
