How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
