it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
