His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
