I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
