this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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