Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
