i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
