He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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