i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
