i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When did angry sex become our thing?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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