I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
