Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my sisters under your porch take her home
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
