Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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