non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
