No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize