The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
