I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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