walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
