Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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