Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
