After last night, I could never be a politician.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
