is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize