I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
