For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
