You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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