OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
