Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
