Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Randomize
