spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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