I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
