I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
