I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
