i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
