So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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