i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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