I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize