Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
