3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
