This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
